Wow! So much time has passed since my last post. I’m a perfectionist, or at least I pretend to be, and when my ducks don’t all line up it’s enough to send me to the loony bin.
In my mind I have these ideas of what I want my life to look like. What kind of a mother I want to be. Wife. Writer. I start off well. I look up recipes, buy the ingredients, mark my calendar (I keep a calendar on my fridge just for the “What’s for dinner?” question), and the first few days everything goes as planned. Meals are cooked, food pyramid guidelines are met, family happy. Then the excitement wanes. I pull out the hotdogs, frozen pizza, or worse, leftovers!
The same can be said of my writing. Favorite pens purchased, stacks of legal pads, and so many ideas bubbling out of my head I have to use neon sticky notes to jot them down before they vanish. The first few days go great, the plot is moving right along, the characters revealing themselves, and the words are adding up. 1000. 2000. 3000. Chapter one complete. Just like that my book is underway. Chapter two; five, nine all typed, double-spaced and printed stacked neatly on my desk. I look at the work I’ve accomplished and I am amazed it was even possible. The goal seems attainable. I open my computer and stare at the blank page in front of me. Nothing. I have no words. No energy. No ideas. Poof!
When I started the blog it was to help me keep writing no matter what. Every book I’ve read about writing (and it’s a lot, my husband is considering stock in Barnes and Noble) says to keep writing no matter what. Doesn’t matter the subject, keep doing it. So I try. But then I get busy. Or I forget. Or more to the point, sometimes I have an attitude of, “I just don’t want to!”
There have been many times in my life where I want to give up because I can’t keep up with my own perfect ideas of what I should be doing and who I am. When things fall apart I want to go in my room, close the door, and cry. Sometimes I do. But eventually I have to wipe the tears (and snot), open the door and try again. Because in the end, it’s always worth it to keep trying.
So here I am. Hoping that I can try this blog thing again. I have allowed myself to commit to only writing what God places on my heart. It may not be book worthy, or poignant. Heck, it may not even be good. I promise that I will do my best to edit it (sort of a pet-peeve of mine, especially with spell check). I will provide updates on my writing, may offer a few pieces I’ve worked on, and of course the going-ons in my life. I will probably miss days, weeks, maybe even a month (I will really try not to though).
My hope is to never quit and to always keep trying.
“And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good.” 2 Thessalonians 3:13 (NIV)