I know if after you’ve read my last blog entry you might be a little irked by my grumblings in the land of Aloha. Hello, I was in a tropical paradise, right?! I understand. I look back and I, myself, am embarrassed that I could’ve responded that way to God’s deliverance and blessing. It’s shameful.
This time in my life was filled with anger, sadness, fear, and it was mostly aimed at God. I didn’t realize how much I had depended on the world for my security. Our lives were pretty unstable and God was teaching me during this time of instability that He was my Rock. I needed to trust and depend on Him. Easier said than done as I was forgetting that God rescued me.
It’s easy to forget the things someone has done for you when life suddenly becomes difficult. When my children feel that something is being withheld from them unfairly they are quick to forget all that has been give to them. Again, that apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I had forgotten all that God had done for me, not just in those rocky days of an Egyptian revolution but what He had done for me throughout my life.
David, the psalmist cried out, “I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. I remember the days of old. I ponder your great works and think about what you have done,” Psalm 143:4-5 (NLT). Even in the midst of David’s fears he remembered what God had done. This was an “Aha” moment for me.
I began to recognize the hold Satan had over me. A paralyzing fear was keeping me from trusting God. It was keeping me from rejoicing for what He had done for my family and me. It wasn’t until this recognition that I realized how blind I had been to the many blessings He had given to me. We were spending precious time with my husband’s family, reconnecting and creating memories that my children and I will never forget. My children were able to learn about their heritage as Hawaiians and embrace their culture through dance, songs and history. We even learned how to surf!
More than that though I learned to become grateful. However, Satan was not going to give up on me that easy and there were good days and bad. On a particularly bad day I remember going to bed in tears. That night it was difficult for me to pray. I wanted to go back to my old ways and blame Him for my discomfort-but I didn’t. Instead, I thanked God for everything. Whatever came to my mind; grass, birds, garbage collectors, clouds, sun, clothes, ankles, toes, laundry sheets-literally everything. I fell asleep that night in peace.
It’s easy to say thanks when life is going the way I think it should. What I needed to learn was to say thanks when I feel like life is falling apart. It’s a lesson that I am still learning. When I despair or feel hopeless, I want in the same breath to give thanks for what my God has done. In faith I will remember what He has done for me and know that this too shall pass.