It wasn’t the teargas fumes filling our house, or the explosive bursts from water cannons ringing throughout the night. It wasn’t even the echoes of machine guns spraying bullets or the shouts of protesters setting fire to buildings that shook me to my core. What grabbed me from the bubble of security and comfort was the trembling body of my daughter clinging to me. Awaken by gunfire outside of her window she screamed, “Momma, they’re killing each other.”
I held on tightly to this precious child who was trying desperately to understand why people would kill each other. This was not a movie, or a television news report that made foreign clashes seem thousands of miles away. This was a war that was happening right outside her window.
It was devastating to see the fear in the eyes of my children and it was an experience that bonded us as a family. We faced uncertainty with each passing hour not knowing what was going to happen. Life is full of uncertain moments and unknown futures. It’s through those moments we learn who we really are.
In the darkness of my room I was on my knees to a God that promised security. My God promised protection and love and here I was comforting my children that God was in control of the situation and would rescue us. I said the words, I cried the prayers but there was that little seed of doubt that said, “Save yourself, there is no one out there to protect you. Where is your God?”
The lies of the evil one are hard to ignore. These lies sometimes sound like the truth, even momentarily, and cause us to believe that we have to be in control. The problem is they are lies. There was nothing my husband could do and nothing I could do to take us out of the situation. We had to rely on God for our protection-we had to rely on God alone. That truth is easier said than done. I’ve found that by looking back on my life the last ten months I didn’t appreciate that truth nor follow it completely.